Akatsuki Campfire No Jutsu!
by megzx
Summary: The Akatsuki is on a cracktastic camping trip in their backyard. Ridiculous silliness written for a laugh. Really old, written before I knew Pein and Konan's own names. Lots of Yaoi references, nice.
1. Tobi is a good boy

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

Okay so my friend was reading my other story and she seemed to like it…  
but she saw a little sketch I made of the members of the Akatsuki having a sleepover

And she told me to write a funny story about that.

So I'm getting in touch with my random side now. BE WARNED.

Warning: Major explicit language (especially from Hidan)

**Disclaimer: Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, the Akatsuki leader, and that random unnamed girl all belong to Masashi Kimimoto ©**

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**Chapter ONE:**

It was a normal quiet morning at the Akatsuki lair (a.k.a. the bat cave) when one bad ass dude awoke everyone early that morning. "Okay guys huddle up" The Akatsuki Leader (**AL!** XD) yelled at the other members of his evil organization. He waited for the other lazy asses to get out of their rooms and looked into the mirror next to him. "Damn, you are one sexy evil dude" he said commenting himself.

"Excuse me Leader-Sama, were you just commenting your sexiness to a mirror?" Tobi asked stupidly.

"Yeah, so what? You have a problem with that?!"

"No Sir! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Yeah my ass you're a good boy!"

"Hey shut the fuck up you two!" Hidan yelled walking down the stairs finding Tobi ducking for cover. "Why did you wake us up so damn early?"

The sleepy Deidara and Sasori walked down into the main lobby, followed by Zetsu and Kakuzu.

"Kisame is coming too. He was feeding his fish" Deidara said yawning. "Not that damn fish Bubbles again!" Kakuzu complained.

Kisame came down the stairs lazily in his fishy feet pajamas. "Uhh, Kisame? Where is Itachi?" The leader asked confused to his partner's whereabouts and why he was wearing feety pajamas.

"Oh Itachi always fixes his nails every morning, he should be here soon" he explained.

Soon after, Itachi skipped down the stairs holding his favorite teddy bear, Remington the third.

"Good morning world!" he screamed out the window. "Good morning friends!" Itachi slide down the railing.

"Look Zetsu! It's Remington! We're so happy to see you! He wuvs you!" Itachi said holding the bear in Zetsu's big green face.

"I hate you"

**CHOMP**

"ZETSU!! YOU ATE REMINGTON THE THIRD! YOU HIDIOUS NOODLE LOOK ALIKE MONSTER!!!"

**BURP**

"Nice one Zetsu" Tobi screamed all fangirl like and held up a sign with a "10" on it.

"Why is he so energetic in the morning?" Sasori said shaking his head.

"Anyways…." The leader began.

"Are mission today…is to camp out in the forest for the night!!" he squealed "Wouldn't that be fun!!" he screamed jumping up and down.

"No, not really" Sasori said

"REMINGTON!!" Itachi sobbed 

"Hey wait! What do you mean I look like a noodle? What the hell are you talking about?" Zetsu yelled remembering Itachi's stupid remark.

"Does Zetsu want his elmo?" Itachi said

"No! Fuck you Itachi! I hate elmo!"

The others laughed at watching Itachi being chased down by the angry Zetsu.

"Back to business" The leader said.

"Deidara and Sasori will be in charge of the tent and blankets.  
Kisame…and Itachi will be in charge of the toiletries and such.

Zetsu and Tobi will bring the food.

and finally Kakuzu and ….oh crap what's you're name again?

"HIDAN! MY NAME IS HIDAN DAMNIT!"

"Oh yeah"

"Leader-Sama, where are we camping yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Well, the backyard of course!"

"Figured"

"I'll bring the smores!" Itachi squealed as her ran by, Zetsu was right behind him.

_Hehehe. Camp fire. Go boom. _ Deidara thought.

'_Holy crap. Are you like crazy or something' _

_Who is this!? _Deidara thought _they're voices inside my head!_

'_It's Sasori dumb ass.'_

_Really? Oh hey Sasori! How's it going? Wait a minute…how are you talking to me inside of my head? _

'_With the power of rice'_

Well that sure explains a lot.

"Well let's start camping!" The leader squealed.

"I'm getting rice" Sasori said randomly levitating away from the group.

"Fetch!" Zetsu yelled at Tobi tossing Itachi across the room.

"Wheeeee!" Itachi yelled.

"Tobi is a good boy"

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**Fabulous.  
I'll write some other stupid stuff later.**


	2. Rice Vs Tofu

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!  
**  
So I was sitting here wondering what the Akatsuki must have done during all that time between the time Itachi and Kisame appeared until the Naruto Shippuden series. 

Psshhh. Training? I think not. Bwahahahaha.

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**Chapter TWO**

The Akatsuki all packed their belongings and gathered the equipment to take on their long journey to the backyard.

"Are you taking that damn fish out there with you!?" Hidan yelled at Kisame.

"Don't talk to Bubbles like that! He's sensitive." Kisame stroked the fish bowl.

"I'll talk to him any way I—why the hell am I talking to a fish?" Hidan thought out loud in his stupid realization and walked away.

"I'm…so…tired…" Tobi said gasping for air. "Go on with me guys…I'll be okay here…" He said collapsing on the floor.

"Tobi, we're going to the backyard, the door is right there" Zetsu said.

"I know but it's so hard! Please save yourselves! Go on!"

"Okay" Zetsu shrugged.

MEANWHILEEEE **random scene translation**

"Setting up the tent, setting up the tent" Deidara sang in an off tone.

"Please stop singing" Sasori said irritated.

"There! All done! Look Sasori-Danna!"

"Well at least you did a good job" Sasori noted as he went inside to put his bag down.

"Kukukuku" Deidara laughed evilly.

**BANG!**

"Awwh, what the fuck Deidara! Is this a pudding bomb?"

"ROTFLLMFAOLOLZZZ"

"And what's that suppose to mean!?" Sasori asked angrily wiping pudding off his face from Deidara's new "special" bomb.

"I think it's something to do with tofu"

"Oh…"

"So now you're calling me tofu? Is that it?"

"Maybe I am"

"But the rice…"

"What about the rice!?"

"It can kick tofu's ass!" Sasori screamed.

**Gasp.** "I can't believe you. I challenge you to a duel!" Deidara demanded.

"Anytime, anywhere!"

"I am willing to take bets at this time" Kakuzu announced setting up a booth at the other end.

"I am all in for Sasori!" The Akatsuki leader said handing over his cash.

_After many intense rounds of sweat, tears, pain, epic battles, and maple syrup, the champion was decided between the battle of two inanimate food objects,_

"And the winner is…TOFU!"

_And the crowd goes wild!_

"Thank you everyone! I love you all" Deidara yelled out to the group.

"Aww Leader-Sama, don't cry! I know you're happy too! Deidara said

"I lost all my money!" The Leader said sobbing. "Sasori, you're fired. Get out of here"

"But…but…but" Sasori protested.

"No buts, leave now, I don't want you at this camp out"

"Sure you can kick me out, but I don't think the cavemen would like it too much" Sasori said pointed to the cave and left back to the house.

"Sasori-Danna is crazy, un. Why would anyone like him and his evil rice and crazy ideas? He's a cold and negative and brings nothing good to this gathering. He's just nuts in my opinion" Deidara protested.

"You like him" Leader said giving him a cold look. 

"Weren't you listening? His cold attitude is negative…but yet it turns me on so much. He can be so nice to me. He's the hottest guy here and we all know it and I want to bang him all night long"

"Yeah I don't really like him" Deidara concluded.

"Awkward. I'll pretend I didn't here that." Leader walked off.

"So what do we do now?" Hidan asked.

"I know, let's play a game!!" Itachi screamed popping his head out from under the ground.

"Itachi, where did you come from?" Kisame asked.

"Well it all started around twenty years ago when my mother met my father…"

"No, no, no, nooooo. I meant how did you get underground like that?"

"Oh Zetsu-Kun put me under here with some earth jutsu. Isn't it cute? I look like a flower sprouting from the ground!" 

"Okay…well what was the game?"

"Oh right. Well you know, that one game"

"Which one…?" 

"You know…that one, where you run." 

"Itachi, I think you're making up this game as you go"

"Don't question me! I just wanted us to do something fun"

"Fine fine. I'll get everyone to play your game, just tell us how."

"Okay well go get everyone"

The entire Akatsuki groups huddles around Itachi's head to learn how to play the new game.

"Is everyone here?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah" Hidan said.

"Then why does it feel like I'm forgetting something…" Zetsu thought out loud.

MEANWHILE STILL INSIDE THE AKATSUKI LAIR.

"_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, standing here so nicely in a row.  
Big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head." _Tobi sang out loud still lying collapsed under his belongings. "Tobi bored!"

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****


	3. Walkie Talkies

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

**  
**Wow I can't believe you guys like this so far, this was pretty much totally random to begin with, but since I've gotten positive feedback, I guess I'll continue updating it.

Weirdos :

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**Chapter THREE**

"Okay, now that Tobi is here, how do you play the game?" Zetsu asked Itachi.

"Okaaaaaaaaay, well the game goes like this…" Itachi said huddled in the middle of everyone (he's not in the ground anymore)

"We'll pair everyone up in two teams! And…and we'll use these dishtowels and tie them two sticks and you hide them from the other team. Your goal is to protect it from the other team!" Itachi explained enthusiastically.

"Itachi, isn't that that called capture the flag?" Kakuzu looked confused.

"No! Well…I guess, but my way has…WALKIE TALKIES!" Itachi screams as he pulls out nine walkie talkies from his bag. "TA DA!"

"Oh yippy" the rest of the group replied sarcastically.

"Hmm…well we have an odd number of people" Itachi said glaring over at the random girl akatsuki member who hasn't said a thing this whole time.

"I'll solve this" the leader said. He went over to the girl, picked her up and punted her across the backyard.

"Ahh! My dignity!" she screamed while flying through the air.

"Well now that's taking care of" The leader said while brushing off his hands.

"Ooga booga" said a random caveman from behind the group.

The group all jumped being startled by the random caveman. "Holy Shit!" the leader screamed. "Sasori wasn't lying!"

The caveman called on all his other caveman friends and they slowly circled around the s-criminals who all cowards in fear.

"OOG OOG YUGA UGG!" the caveman yelled.

"What the hell do they want?" Hidan yelled.

"Hold on guys, I can speak caveman" Kakuzu said to the rescue.

"Uhh…UGGAB LUGA OOGO?" Kakuzu asked the cavemen

"IGO IGO UGGUP URGA!" the caveman screamed furiously.

"What did he say?" the leader asked.

"Well I think he said he wants to break us in half, or he wanted to have a milkshake after his nap…ohh, they're close" Kakuzu said.

"Ah crap we're doomed" leader said. "HELP US"

After that being said, Sasori appeared in a poof of rice.

"Hey, guys, I said no attacking. Bad George, I thought you would know better, but I guess I was wrong. I hope you know your setting a bad example. Yeah you guys better walk back to your cave!" Sasori yelled at the caveman.

"Sasori you saved us un!" Deidara yelled happily.

"Yeah yeah, just let me play the game" Sasori said.

"Right, okay so teams…" Itachi started.

"I want to be on a team with Kisame, Deidara, and Sasori" Itachi said.

"So Zetsu, Tobi, Hidan, and Kakuzu will be on the other team" he said and tossed a flag in the team's direction.

"The leader will make sure we aren't cheating and such" he said. 

"Ready…"  
"Setty…"

"GO!!"

"This is stupid" most of the team thought as they began the game.

**ONE HOUR LATER.**

"Fishy-pants, this is twinkle-teddy, over." Itachi said into his walkie-talkie. 

"Hey teddy, fishy-pants here. Me and rice-puppets have spotted the duck, we need reinforcements, over." Kisame said back.

"Sir-bang-a lot to twinkle-teddy, the duck is in the barnyard" Deidara said to Itachi.

"Twinkle teddy to sir-bang-a lot, is the crackers in the pond?"

"Sir-bang-a lot to twinkle teddy, negative. There are a few farmers behind the chicken coop though, over."

"I'm going in team, over" Itachi said.

**AND ON THE OTHER TEAM….**

"Money-man, this is good-boy over. The fish is after the bait" Tobi said to Kakuzu.

"Fly-trapz, this is Money-man, we need back up now" Kakuzu said to Zetsu.

"I'm on it, over" Zetsu replied. "Hey where's Hidan?"

"Team, I got the sunken treasure! The sharks are after me! Send help!...over!" Hidan screamed.

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**What happens?  
I don't know. Why the hell are you asking me?**

**It's not like I write this story. :**


	4. Gangsta

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

Lolz. This story is queer as hell.  
I can't wait until school is over; I dislike it with a flaming passion in my heart.  
My knee itches.

**P.S.** Tobi is so gangsta. 

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**Chapter FOUR**

"Bwahahahaha!" Hidan laughed manically running the other team's flag back to his team's side.

"NUNCHUCK STYLE!" Tobi screamed murderously at the escaping Hidan.

"Oh shitz"

"Fear me!" Tobi screamed pulling out his nun chucks and swinging them in his face.

"Whoa, okay…just calm down Tobi…" Hidan said backing away slowly.

"WHY SHOULD I!? YOU'RE GOING DOWN SON!"  
Tobi ripped off his akatsuki robe and tossed away his nun chucks to reveal his baggy pants, white t-shirt, long golden chain necklaces, with a hat tilted to the side.Tobi randomly pulled out his gun and shot Hidan.

"Nice job Tobi…whoa what the hell?" Deidara began to congratulate his partner.

"Tobi…did you shoot Hidan?"

"No…" Tobi said innocently. "Okay…maybe once"

"Then why are there 32 bullets, and why is his head on the ground?"

"Because he wouldn't die!"

"I CAN'T DIE YOU DUMBASS!" Hidan screamed.

"Hey wait…aren't you guys on the same team?"

"Don't blame me! This stupid chick that's writing this forgot about that! I have no free will!" Tobi yelled. (Ahahahaha…ha. XD)

"That's okay Tobi, apparently, you're just gangster" Deidara said.

"Excuse me white boy, I believe it's "gangsta" geez" Tobi said crossing his arms.

"I win" Sasori said holding Tobi and Hidan's flag in his hands.

"What the fuck Sasori, how did you get that, I didn't even know you were playing!" Hidan's head screamed on the floor.

"Well since you two were fighting and Kakuzu was looking for you, it was pretty easy" Sasori explained.

"Well where's Zetsu?" Tobi asked.

"RAPE!!" Zetsu screamed running for his life.

"Sasori, isn't that one of your puppets chasing after Zetsu?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Sasori said in admiration.

"BUTTSECKS!" screamed the puppet after Zetsu.

"DIE BITCH!" Tobi yelled while he shot the puppet.

"Pineapples!" were the final words of the puppet as he dismantled.

"Sparkles! You…" Sasori paused getting weird looks from the others.

"Sparkles?"

"Yes"

"Anyways…what are we going to do now?" the leader asked changing the subject.

"Hmmm…." The group thought to themselves for a while.

"I know!" Deidara said with a light bulb above his head.

"Yum, light bulbs"

**CHOMP**

Zetsu said while inhaling the light bulb and Deidara's head.

"Ew! Zetsu! No! What the hell!? Get me out of here!" Deidara panicked inside of Zetsu's mighty mouth.

"Bleh! Sorry Deidara…" Zetsu said wiping his mouth. "You taste like Jay-Z anyways"

"Uh…well what I was going to say is…Let's go torture the unnamed akatsuki member!! That chick pisses me off…with all her unnamedness" Deidara said.

"Sounds good"  
"I'm down"  
"Alright"  
"Bwahahaha"

"Stupid girl"

"Good idea"

The akatsuki all agreed together running to the spot that the leader previously kicked her.

**Meanwhile on the akatsuki lair's balcony** (damn this place is pretty nice)

"Ahh! finally some time to myself and my milk! I didn't want to spend the nights with those damn boys anyways" the female akatsuki said in relief.

"Hmm? What's that? I can see them…oh how cute, they are playing catch with Hidan's head again!" "Tee hee…now they are playing hockey…wait…are those axes they are playing with? Why does it seem like they are getting closer me? I-I-I just wanted to be alone with my milk…oh god…what did I do to deserve this?"

"It's howdy-doody time bitch!" Hidan's head screamed ordering the others to attack.

"Aww fuck" was all the female member could say as she screamed running around the house continuously in circles.

"Kukukuku" all the akatsuki members laughed. "She actually thought we were going to attack her"

"Stupid morons!" the female member yelled while hiding behind the building. "At least I still have my milk…oh shit! They wouldn't!!" she screamed in shock and looked over at the group of boys.

"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!!" the guys chanted as Deidara poured the milk into Hidan's head's mouth.

"MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

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**Itachi wasn't really in this episode…bummer.**

**He'll be there next time…with another surprise guest.**


	5. Tea Party!

**ATAKSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

SUSIE:D

That's all I have to say.

I haven't updated in a little while

And since you all want me too, here you go XD

WARNING: Sasori goes OOC

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**Chapter FIVE**

"ZOMG guys!" Itachi screamed in a high pitch voice.

"What is it now Itachi?" Sasori asked almost frightened.

"Look who I brought!"

"…"

………..

"So…who is it?" Tobi asked looking around.

"Oh sorry, I just thought I'd add some dramatic tension" Itachi smiled.

"I brought my little bro SASUKE!!" Itachi squealed.

"Isn't he so cute?" he said while death hugged him.

"He smells funny" Zetsu said backing off.

"He reeks of emo" Hidan said turning away.

"I miss sparkles!" Sasori exclaimed

Everyone ignored Sasori and then walked off bored and not amused.

"I know!" Itachi yelled. "Let's have a tea party!"

Itachi picked up his cell phone and dialed a number quickly.

"Susie? Hey girl! ... I know it's been a while! … Roger did what!? … NO WAY!... Oh my god… well she was nothing but trouble…wait what?...oh well you don't have to be such a bitch!...well you know what Susie I didn't want you at my tea party anyways!"

Itachi hung up his phone and threw a fit.

"Oh no she didn't" Tobi said snapping his fingers in a Z formation.

"That's okay Itachi, we can have a tea party without her" Sasuke said patting his older brother on the back.

"You're right little bro, I'll get the crumpets!"

Cough "suck up" cough. Hidan said casually towards Sasuke.

"Do you wanna go punk?" Sasuke asked Hidan

"Bring it on sauce kay" Hidan said.

"You could at least spell my name right, you're ruining my sense of pride and honour"

"You spell honor like a brit!"

"I challenge you to a duel!" Sasuke screamed while charging at him.

(**Mortal combat theme plays in background**)

FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Sasuke defeated Hidan and burned his remains "Let's hope that will keep him quiet"

(Shikamaru: I wish I would have thought of that…)

"Oh my god they killed Hidan!" Kakuzu screamed.

"Wow…" the group thought for a while in silence.

"Want to get some cake?" Deidara said

"Yeah sound good" the rest of the group said nodding.

The evil group walked over to the table Itachi had set up with tea and cake.

They sat down awkwardly at the table and ate the cake in front of them.

"Well now that Hidan is dead, I think Sasuke should join the akatsuki! Wouldn't that be fun?" Itachi suggested.

"No way in hell. I'm out" Sasuke said while flipping his hair and leaving.

"Oh well…sugar for your tea anyone?" Itachi squealed as he floated by the table.

"Sugar cube?" Sasori asked curiously.

"Yes, two cubes or one?"

"Seven"

"Seven, oh my…"

"SUGA!" Sasori screamed and dove at Itachi

"I'm going down!" Itachi shrieked. "AHHHHHHHHH"

The others watched uninterested as Itachi slowly fell under the table.

Sasori quickly jumped from underneath the table smiling happily.

"Sasori, didn't we learn from the last time you ate sugar?" Deidara said shaking his head.

"Wheeeeee" Sasori yelled.

"Help me" Itachi said weakly

"I'm here Itachi!" Kisame said heroically.

"Kisame!"

"Itachi!"

"Kisame!"

"Itachi!!"

"Sasori!"

"What the hell!? You're ruining the moment!" Kisame said angrily and pushed Sasori out of the way.

"Kisame, where have you been this chapter?" Tobi asked.

"You know that pesky paperclip that hangs out on word documents?"

"Uhh…"

"Yeah, well he kind of ate me"

"That's reasonable, that thing always looked evil to me"

"Yeah, I'm lucky I made it out alive"

"You guys, I'm bleeding through the veins here" Itachi yelled.

"Oh that's cool" Kisame said

….

"Aren't you going to call medical help?" Itachi asked

"Oh, is that what you wanted me to do?" Kisame said. "I thought we were going to have a bonfire"

"SMORES!" Sasori squealed.

"You guys have no heart" Itachi said weeping

"You're just like your brother" Tobi said shaking his gangster head.

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**That was an odd chapter, and it took me a surprisingly long time**

**(I kept getting distracted)**

**I'll make another one real soon  
(tomorrow hopefully if my mom doesn't scream at me to clean all day.)**


	6. Yo Quierro Taco Bell

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!!**

Okay, I seemed to have failed in keeping my promise to update this  
So now I am. Woot!

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**Chapter SIX  
**

"Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya!" Itachi and Sasori sang together loudly around the campfire as Kisame played the guitar besides them.

The rest of the group stared blankly and where all wearing ear plugs to cover up Itachi and Sasori's horrible singing.

"Sasori-Danna is scaring me" Deidara said frightened.

Tobi was nowhere to be found around the campfire sight, where the rest of the members of the Akatsuki were now assembled, but no one seemed to take immediate notice.

Suddenly, Tobi attacked from behind a bush. "IKISEEKIBOOGA!" he screamed while doing a diving summersault into the camp site.

Kakuzu screamed like a little girl and jumped onto the lap of Zetsu.

Tobi rolled over on the ground laughing intensely. "Oh snap man. You should have seen the look on that fool's face!" he yelled.

Deidara sighed deeply at Tobi and wished Sasori would stop singing.

Kakuzu stood up angrily at Tobi and drew out a knife.

"Alright bring it!" Tobi said yelling at his face. Kakuzu drew his knife and charged towards Tobi. Tobi turned around and grabbed Kakuzu's hand and drove it to the ground.

Kakuzu starred at his hand. "Oh fudge I broke a nail!" he shrieked upset.

Tobi screamed in victory and ripped off his shirt completely in half. "Get some!" Tobi screamed excitedly as he earned odd looks from the rest of the group. 

Zetsu gave him an angry look. "Tobi, what did we say about making Kakuzu scream like a girl and cry?" he said point to Kakuzu. "Sorry Zetsu…Tobi is good boy" Tobi sighed while putting on another shirt.

"Come come everyone. Now is not the time to fight, we are all brothers here" Itachi announced to the group while he stopped singing with Sasori.

"Oh and who made you the preacher?" Deidara asked.

"Let's just be at peace, now we sing!" Itachi screamed.

The rest of the group let out a loud groan of annoyance.

"Hehehe moo" Sasori said randomly.

"Shut up Sasori" Zetsu silenced him irritated.

The group was getting pretty fed up with each other and their odd time they are spending together. It turned out to be a little too much for them.

Itachi was trying to be the peace maker and began singing. Sasori complained Kisame's guitar playing was too "lametastic" Tobi begged for Zetsu's forgiveness. Kakuzu missed Hidan. The leader, who has been brutally ignored throughout the main parts of the story, spoke up.

"Hey guys" he said from waking up from a nap. "You wanna get some taco bell?" he asked. The group froze in their spots as it looked like most of them were ready to beat the shit out of each other.

"Sure why not" they all nodded. "I WANNA GO TO WHITE CASTLE" Tobi yelled frantically. "NO" was the group's response.

"Yum, Fajitas" Zetsu said licked his lips.

"Uhh leader-sama? What is the point of camping out when we are just going to get some food from an unhealthy cheap American imitation of Mexican food?" Deidara asked.

"Because. Did you realize how long it took you for you guys to build the first fire?" the leader said.

**FLASHBACK!!**

"Okay guys! Let's build a FIRE!!" Itachi screamed happily.

"FIYA!" Sasori shrieked happily still at the peak of his sugar rush.

"Okay I got some wood" Zetsu said dropping a pile of old sticks and logs, dropping one on Deidara's foot.

"OW. What the fuck? Stupid logs..." Deidara murmured in pain.

The others ignored him as they wondered how they were going to start the fire.

"Hey Itachi! Can you use your fire jutsu?" Kisame asked looking at his partner.

Itachi looked over annoyed. "I have better things to do" Itachi said

"Like what…" Kisame asked curiously.

"Like writing my songs for the campfire! Duh!" Itachi said.

"Good idea!" Kisame asked grabbed his guitar out of nowhere.

The rest of the group starred blankly and frustrated as the two started singing songs.

_A few hours later…_

"Oh here, it's a good thing I keep some cigs around" Kakuzu said handing them to Deidara who lit the fire. "Thanks for realizing that now" he said.

"One last thing..." Zetsu said as he rushed over to Kisame.

"Zetsu what do you want" Kisame asked, but before he could do anything else…Zetsu grabbed his guitar out of his hands. "DOROTHY NOO!!!" Kisame cried out.

Zetsu threw the guitar into fire as it made a huge roaring flame. "Poor Dorothy…" Kisame said as he watched it deteriorate before his eyes. "Good things I keep an extra" he said pulling out another guitar. "I love you too Kathy" he said petting his second guitar.

"Hey Deidara, your cloak is on fire" Kisame noticed as Deidara freaked out.

"DAMN YOU LOGS!" he screamed while running in circles.

**END FLASHBACK.**

"See, the flashback tells all" the leader said as they were magically in Taco Bell. 

"Wait, how did we get here?" Sasori asked, who was now is old calm self again.

"Well let's find out with another flashback…" the leader said…

**FLASHB- **"NO! No flashbacks! That's okay! I don't care anymore." Sasori screamed.

The group then ordered their food without anymore questions.

They sat down at a large table silently, and all was normal for a short while. Maybe it was the fact that they were now in a random public restaurant that made them behave…for a little while.

"Hey can we get some hot sauce stuff for this shit yo?" Tobi asked gangsterly (XD)

Zetsu volunteered to grab a large sum of those cute little packets of hot sauce, but dropped them on the way back.

"Hot sauce?" Sasori said curiously and squirted the whole pack into his mouth.

Itachi and Kisame grinned happily. "CHUG!" they said screaming and handing Sasori more and more packets of hot sauce. Sasori gulped them down quickly like shots of vodka until a large flame came out of his mouth and his face turned bright red.

"SCORE" Itachi and Kisame screamed while giving each other a high five.

Deidara was about to yelled at Sasori for eating all those packets, he knows that hot sauce is bad for him, but he was distracted by a noise. "I think something is behind me" Deidara said suddenly and turned around from his chair.

"YOU!!" he said pointing to a large log on the floor.

"I'LL GET YOU THIS TIME!" he screamed diving for it.

By this time, the rest of the people in the restaurant had left out of fear and the leader shook his head. "Let's get out of here before we are arrested or sued of something. Come one guys, this is a low-budget organization, we can't risk wasting money" he said but still left a tip out of pity for the workers.

****

**  
**


	7. Itachi's Birthday?

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!!  
**  
**Okay, I just thought today would be the absolute PERFECT day to update.  
ONE: I got over 1200 views on this thing and all the reviews and such are nice.  
TWO: OMFG it's ITACHI'S BIRTHDAY today! 06-09-07**

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**Chapter SEVEN**

The group all awoke the next morning in their tents tired from the lack of sleep. They all stretched their arms peacefully until…

"HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT!?" Itachi shrieked in excitement.

"What?" all the other moaned uninterested while rolling over in their cute sleeping bags.  
(Kisame had fishys on his :D and Sasori had rice)

"…" Itachi starred appalled and disgusted at the group.

He pointed the pointy hat on his head that no one noticed since their eyes were not fully opened. "It's my birthday!" he said waving his arms in the air. "Duh!" he said while he then crossed his arms across his chest.

"Itachi are those teddy bead pajamas?" Tobi asked curiously as he got up.

"Why yes, Kisame gave them to me. At least **some people** remember my birthday" he said pouting. Kisame gave thumbs up and smiled his toothy smile.

"It's your birthday Itachi?" Deidara asked sleepily.

Itachi starred annoyed and beamed at him. "Yes Deidara, where were you when I waved my hands up in the air and yelled it's my birthday?" he said sarcastically.

"Don't you guys remember him saying that last night?" Kisame asked the group who all shook there heads.

Itachi sighed. "Leader-Sama, could you help me out here?" he asked.

"Sure thing" the leader said. "**FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!**" he yelled. "Oh yippy"

_Somewhere between the time of Taco Bell, and Tobi catching on fire…no wait, before that…_

"Hey guys! I just realized something! Tomorrow is my birthday! Wow this is so exciting! I think I should throw some big party of something!" Itachi screamed happily.

"I think my toenails need to be cut" Kakuzu said starring at his feet.

"Why are you ignoring me?!!" Itachi cried.

Itachi went on through the flashback reminding everyone constantly again and again of his upcoming birthday.

**END FLASHBACK.**

"What a nice flashback" Itachi said admiring it.

"I always wanted to know what kind of abilities leader-sama had besides extracting those tailed-monsters" Kisame said sitting besides Itachi.

"Oh yes, Leader-Sama does some very nice flashbacks right everyo- HEY WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING!?!?" Itachi paused furiously.

"How low can you go!?" the group sang out loud as they played limbo. Tobi was walking under the pole that stood two feet from the ground as Deidara and Sasori held the pole up.

"Do any of you listen to me!?" Itachi screamed very upset.

"Oh shut up and play some limbo with us" Deidara said happily.

"…Okay" Itachi said and got in line behind the rest.

Zetsu starred at the pole that stood close to the ground and attempted to go under it. OF course, he miserably failed due to huge plant thing on his head.

"Zetsu you suck at this game. Go home." The leader said booing him away. Zetsu sulked over in a corner by a bunch of weeds. "You guys understand me, don't you?" he said while stroking them gently.

"This morning…I'm making waffles" Tobi said eagerly and went over to cook as the rest of the group limboed. (wtf?) Tobi made a huge stack of waffles and called the group over.

"I didn't know you could cook Tobi" Deidara said. "Neither did I" Tobi admitted. "I guess it was a calling"

"Itachi, you pick first, since it is your _birthday_" Tobi said.

"Don't mind if I do" Itachi said starring hungrily at the food.

Just then Sasori came flying into the scene with fangs hanging over his mouth. "WAFFLES!" he screamed and grabbed a waffle from the middle of the stack, causing all of the waffles to come piling to the ground. "Waffles! NO!!" Tobi screamed.

"Some birthday…" Itachi mumbled angrily at the waffles all over the ground.

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**Ugg. Sorry that was a short chapter XD**

**I just wanted to update.**

**I would like to thank my friend Angela for helping me write the last three chapters.**

**(She's a big Itachi fan girl :D) Happy Birthday Itachi **


	8. OMG HAUNTING

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!!**

**Kaaaay  
So I'm updating for ****Akatsuki-Dawn of Love **

**for all of her awesome reviews. **

**Plus I noticed in her bio that it was her birthday a few days ago oo**

**So uhh Happy Belated Birthday? I'll update as a present XD (pathetic)**

**You better not be lying! Or I'll send Captain Crunch after you (shakes fists)**

**Tee Hee :D**

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**Chapter EIGHT**

Our favorite S-Class criminals were gathered around during there second day of the exciting camp out. Or as like Sir Leader would call the trip, the "Super swell boogie nights of extra sugar coated buckets of fun" or Sasori liked to describe the camping trip as "ricey"

They group was minding there own business (as usual) when a huge lightning strike lit up the sky followed by a huge rumble of thunder.

"EEEEEK" Deidara shrieked girlish as he jumped on Sasori's lap.

"Get off me dipshit" Sasori complained.

"DUN DUN DUN!" Tobi screamed loudly.

"What is it now Tobi?" Zetsu asked uninterested.

"HELLO! Didn't see the sudden random lightning bolt and the random creepy music playing in the background?" Tobi said.

"I don't hear any mus-" Zetsu paused in mid-sentence. There was strange…and really freakishly bad accordion music that could be heard in the distance.

"SEE! SEE! Tobi hear music!" Tobi shouted.

"Holy shit he is right" Zetsu said amazed and somewhat freaked out.

"OMFGGGG THEY ARE OUT TO KILL US!" Deidara screamed jumping onto Sasori again.

"If you glomp on me one time I swear to god I will harm you" Sasori said angrily.

"Aww I'm sorry Danna. Here I got you a present, yeah!" Deidara said happily while handing him a pretty white box with a cute little fluffy red ribbon on it.

"Present?" Sasori asked curiously as he opened the box. "Oh…my…god…RICE!" he screamed excitedly. "How did you know?" he said happily. "I have my ways" Deidara smirked evilly. Just then the rice EXPLODED in Sasori's face. Deidara giggled madly at the rice on his Danna's face. "Good thing it's sticky rice, un!" he said but stopped laughing when he saw Sasori's "youjustnamedmyricesonowishallbloodykillyou" look.

Sasori was not pleased. "Deidara…" he said angrily. "No sex tonight" he said. Deidara screamed in horror. "NO Sasori-Danna!! Come back!"

Meanwhile…

Zetsu and Tobi searched for the source of the mysterious music.

"We are getting close" Tobi said.

"How do you know?" Zetsu asked.

"Because I'm following the ominous lightning strikes" Tobi explained.

Zetsu looked over at the other side of the yard to find that it was perfectly sunny. He shrugged slightly. "Makes sense to me"

"ZOMG ZETSU!" Tobi screamed.

"WhatWHATWHAT!?" Zetsu said as he hurried after Tobi.

"Look it is Leader-Sama!" Tobi said while pointing frantically to the Leader playing the accordion. "Wow I didn't know you played an instrument" Zetsu said. "I didn't either" The leader admitted. "Great, because it sucked!" Tobi said all gangster like.

"Why are there still random lightning strikes then?" Zetsu asked. "Good point" The leader said and they followed the source of the lightning.

Zetsu, Tobi, and the leader met up with Itachi, Kisame and Kakuzu, who were also curious about the lightning. Suddenly there was a huge flash and the six members jumped.

"DUDE?! HIDAN!?" Kakuzu screamed as he watched Hidan rise from the dead. "Dude where's my car?" The now alive Hidan asked. "Hidan you're alive!" Kisame screamed. "You cannot kill me dumbass" Hidan screamed. "Makes sense to me" Zetsu added. "Threesome Hidan?" Deidara asked randomly out of nowhere with Sasori. "Sure" he said and they ran off…

"REMINGTON!?" Itachi screamed as he watched a random floating teddy bear fly through the air. "Holy shit…evil flying teddy bears" Kisame said in a fearful tone.

"What had my life come to?" The leader shook his head. "Makes sense to me, you know the whole flying teddy bear thing" Zetsu remarked.


	9. Steak

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU**

**Lalalalalala. Thanks for all the hits and reviews and such!  
I should really update this more often…  
So SORRY!  
I guess I only do update when I think of something funny to write.  
I read this whole story again and I have to say Chapter 4 is my favorite.**

**Now I realize I abuse poor Itachi-Kun too much XD**

**Don't worry, I love him too.**

**Character Abuse: Megan (kkaorix) ©**

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**Chapter NINE**

Itachi was found playing with ALL THREE Remingtons, his newly revived teddy bears. Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan all came back from their "fling", Tobi was cooking out some steak on the grill and Leader was found drinking a few too many beers on the side.

"Nothing like a good –hic- cookout 'ey guys?" the leader slurred.

"You betcha" Tobi said happily.

Meanwhile, Kisame was bored and felt neglected sense Itachi was with his undead teddy bears. He wandered around until he found Zetsu and Kakuzu near a pond.

"Whatcha guys doing?" Kisame asked.

"Buzz off you lit- OH KISAME!! Heeeeey, what's up buddy?" Zetsu said suspiciously as he and Kakuzu hid an object behind their back.

"What are you hiding?" Kisame asked.

"Nothing! We are just doing some swimming with the fishes!" Kakuzu defended.

"Orly?! I love swimming!" Kisame said cheerfully. "Hey…wait a minute…ARE THOSE FISHING POLES!?" he said changing his tone to anger.

"Oh god" Zetsu cried. "RUN!" Kakuzu screamed.

Kisame spotted a dead pile of fish lying by the shore. "Uncle Jimmy?! How could you guys!" he shouted while looking in disgust at the large dead fish.

"There goes dinner!" Kakuzu screamed as he ran away.

"No no! Tobi make dinner! Tobi make steak!" Tobi yelled as the three ran by.

"Steak!" The three lover boys cried out together.

"Here you go Deidara-Sempai! I saved the biggest for you! " Tobi yelled throwing a steak at the blonde, which smacked Deidara right on the face.

"Tobi, do you know what it feels like to get clay shoved up your ass?" Deidara said evilly.

"No, Tobi doesn't know what Deidara-Sempai is talking about" Tobi said innocently.

Deidara's eyes turned a fiery red and chased the masked shinobi.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tobi screamed. (Manly if you asked him) "WHY!? Tobi is a GOOD BOY"

"Why is Tobi getting al the attention from Deidara?" Sasori sighed.

"It's okay Sasori, you know by the end of the night, you will be the one Deidara will be f-" Hidan began to say as they were interrupted by the queer Akatsuki member.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the cries of the nearing Tobi screamed as he passed by, the blonde chasing closely after him.

"Whoops" Sasori said casually as he placed out his short little leg to trip Tobi.

Tobi faced planted on the ground, much to the enjoyment to Sasori.

"Wow, you really are a jealous bastard" Hidan remarked.

"Am not" Sasori said calmly. Suddenly, tears welled up in his red eyes. "I mean, why would he even talk to that …dunce? He just ignores me! It's not like I'm dead!" (Fans roll eyes)

"Oookkkkayy…" Hidan said while walking away from Sasori's emotional break down.

"It's okay to feel sad sometimes" Itachi said patting Sasori's back.

"I know but it's so hard!!" Sasori screamed with a seemingly violent intent, and slammed his fist on the ground, right by Itachi's foot.

"Fine bitch, if you're going to be like that" Itachi said as he got up and left.

"What are you talking about Sasori-Danna?" Deidara asked, looking happy.

"Oh nothing!" Sasori said awkwardly cheerful and linked his arm with Deidara's as they walked off.

"Hey guy, I'm bored as hell, and apparently, fishing is NOT a good idea" Kakuzu said as he met up with the rest of the group.

"Indeed" Zetsu agreed, shaking his head.

"I got an idea" the leader said scandalously.

"Oh boy, another brilliant idea" Kisame smirked.

"Yes…" the leader began. "Let's play…truth or dare!!"

There was a sudden lightning bolt appearing out of nowhere again.

"I have a bad feeling about this, yeah" Deidara said.

**BWAHAHAHAHAH.**

**This story will be longer then I thought.**

**sigh**

**I'll think of something to write kukuku.**


	10. I'd tap that

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

**Okay, I think I can say this is now my most popular fanfic, and I don't even try on this one. Oh weellll, if people like it, I'm happy.**

**So I guess since I have so many fans, I'll TRY to update more often.**

**I guess I'm just not as motivated, but I'll DEFIENTLY TRY:D **

**(Determined face)**

**This chapter contains Yaoi action! YAY. (Narrows eyes) Kukuku :D**

**I'm sure you all know what will happen, so if you don't like it, don't read it?**

**Sorry, I make frequent references to Yaoi, so sorry **

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**Chapter ELEVEN**

"Okay" Deidara sighed, narrowing his eyes. "Who's going to be first then, yeah?" he asked.

"Good question –hic-" the drunken leader said. "Luckily, I got an empty beer bottle here, so we'll spin it. Who ever it lands on will ask the first question" he stated.

The rest of the group nodded in agreement as the leader spun the bottle that landed on…

"YES! TOBI IS FIRST! Tobi is a goooood boy" Tobi screamed happily as the bottle pointed to him. "Let's see…who to ask first…" he thought out loud while looking at the around at the members in the circle.

"Deidara-Sempai! Truth or dare?" Tobi asked.

"Dare, un. I don't want to be a sissy!" Deidara stated, proudly crossing his arms.

"Kukuku. It's pay back time now Deidara-Sempai! Do you know how long it takes to get all that clay out of your butt? A LONG ASS TIME! Now you will SUFFER!" Tobi screamed in rage.

"You better be scared now Deidara" Zetsu said sarcastically.

"Oh, I wouldn't laugh mulch-breath! You're part of this dare too!" Tobi said angrily.

"Aw man" Zetsu complained.

"Okay, Tobi will give you a choice Deidara-Sempai. Either you wear this convenient mini skirt I found, or you have to kiss Zetsu on the LIPS" Tobi snickered.

Deidara starred blankly at his partner, and then focused on the extremely short mini skirt he was holding. Then he gazed at Zetsu, who was also giving him a blank stare.

He looked back at the skirt, then at Zetsu, then back to the skirt, and then back to Zetsu, who looked pissed off now.

"Yeah, I'm just going to take the skirt" Deidara groaned as he snatched the skirt and went to a nearby bush to change behind.

Tobi smiled happily and giggled like a little school girl.

The other members all laughed hysterically as the leader handed out drinks for everyone, which obviously wasn't a good idea.

Zetsu remained in a grumpy state, repeating how degrading this was and how he hated this game already.

Deidara finally peeked from behind the bush and groaned miserably. "Why am I doing this again!?" he shouted from the forest area.

"Because Deidara-Sempai is pretty in a mini skirt!" Tobi yelled out.

"Yeah Deidara baby, come on out!" Sasori yelled out, obviously drunk. Deidara blushed at the thought of his Danna calling him "baby"

"This is stupid, yeah" he said as he appeared from behind the bush, a chorus of hoots and laughter filled the area.

"It works good with the fishnets!" Kakuzu commented. Hidan accompanied while playfully whistling. The skirt came up to Deidara's mid thigh.

Tobi starred at his butt as he walked by, making Deidara very pissed off. "What the hell Tobi!" Deidara screamed angrily. "I'd tap that" Tobi said cutely.

"This is very uncomfortable, un" Deidara complained.

"Oh shut up and have a drink" The leader slurred, throwing him a drink, but totally missing due to the fact that he was drunk.

"You could at least throw in MY direction! You have such a lack of coordination right now!" Deidara said pissed off, and bent down to get the drink.

"You're a lack of coordination!" Itachi said.

"Shut up Itach- OH WTF DEIDARA! COVER UP!" Kisame cried out after seeing Deidara bend down to get his drink in his MINI SKIRT.

"Ah fuck" Deidara screamed.

"Hey Sasori, are you okay?" Zetsu asked.

"It's nothing!" he screamed and ran away, hiding his face.

"Massive nose –hic- bleed" The leader smirked.

"Leader-Sama, what are you eating?" Kakuzu asked curiously.

"Yougurt…you have a problem with that?" the leader responded.

"No, but why yogurt?"

"It's fergalicious"

"Right-o then"

"Ew…kaaaay, un. Who is next?" Deidara asked while spinning the bottle. The bottle spun for a while until it landed on…

"Itachi, truth or dare?" Deidara asked.

"Dare!" Itachi squealed.

"Alright then, I dare you to kiss Kisame, un!" Deidara said without much thought.

"Kisame-Kun?" Itachi questioned innocently.

"Yeah, like you never thought about it before" Hidan teased.

"What are you talking abo-" Itachi started to say but was interrupted by the shark like ninja approaching him.

"Kiss, Kiss, Kiss!" Tobi chanted.

Itachi tried to protest again, but was stopped by an unexpected kiss from his partner.

"Awwww" was the coo from the members…or at least Tobi.

The innocent kiss soon turned into a full throttle make out session as the two began sucking each others faces, much to the discomfort of the other members.

"Okay…" Zetsu said disgustedly. The rest of the members casually backed away.

Meanwhile the leader was in the corner, jacking off. (HAHAHAH no kidding.)

"Leader-Sama, what is all this white stuff?" Tobi asked stupidly.

"Damnit! I dropped my yogurt!" the leader cried. (heheheh fooled ya)

"Well sense Itachi is unable to spin…I'll just go for him" Kakuzu said and took a spin on the bottle that landed on…

Sasori

**Cliffhanger! Oh dear I am so damn evil.**

**I'll update soon, promise!! (…)**

**Teehee. Let me know if you have any ideas.**


	11. Sock Hippos and the Power of Rice

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!**

**STUPID RANT THAT CONTAINS SPOILERS  
****Hmm…correct me if I'm wrong,****  
****But I believe Deidara just killed himself in the stupid manga.  
This…really…sucks…poor Dei-kun!!****  
****I'm just rather depressed now, and kind of concerned to the fact Deidara can blow himself up…he got pretty queer those last chapters. (Crazy:P)  
The whole Akatsuki is falling apart as we know it…  
That's okay though, everyone is alive in my story!! Bwahahaha:D****  
OKAY I'M DONE NOW****  
**

**  
Anyways…HOLY shitz guys. Thanks for all the reviews  
Who knew my random funniness would be liked.  
I just got like 10 reviews in one day (that's a hell of a lot for me OO)  
Happy 50****th**** reviewersery??  
**

**I'd like to thank .Hime-SaMa'sLynx. and Valbino for helping me with this idea. They are awesomeee. :D**

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**Chapter ELEVEN**

_LAST TIME ON AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU…_

"_I have some important things to take care of" The leader said._

"_No, I will not let you do this!" Itachi screamed._

"_Don't stand in my way!" The leader yelled back._

"_Leave him alone! You have gone way out of line!" Kisame shouted._

"_Yeah, you are going to kill us all!" Deidara helped out._

"_FLYING DINOSAURS!" Tobi yelled at the random dinosaurs summoned by the leader, causing the whole Akatsuki to run away._

"_We are not worthy!" The group chanted to the all mighty lead-_

"**Hey what the fuck is this? That isn't what happened!!"** Hidan yelled at the Leader.

"Okay okay fine! Geez! Can't I have fun with the flashbacks every once in a while?" The leader complained, sticking out his tongue. "Fine, I'll inform all the slightly slow readers what _really_ happened…" **FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!**

"_Well sense Itachi is unable to spin…I'll just go for him" Kakuzu said and took a spin on the bottle that landed on…_

_Sasori. Yeah that's right. Sasori you dumbshits!_

**END FLASHBACK.**

"Well that's slightly better…" Kisame shrugged.

"Oh hey, I see you are done sucking face with Itachi" The leader said, earning a glare from the fishy boy.

"Okay…so ANYWAYS…Sasori, truth or dare?" Kakuzu asked.

"I guess I'll do dare as well" Sasori said while sighing.

"Hmm…well…you…can…umm….uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Kakuzu thought out loud.

**HALF AN HOUR LATER.**

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"**OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THINK OF SOMETHING ALREADY!" **Hidan screamed furiously.

"Yes, please think of something soon Kakuzu-Kun, poor Itachi-Kun is violently twitching in the corner. We think he is muttering something about evil socks, so that probably isn't good" Tobi said politely.

"Okay I got something a dare for you Sasori, actually it's more like a proposal" Kakuzu said. "Either you give me ALL of your rice, or you have to go streaking in the middle of town"

"WHAT?!" Sasori exclaimed.

'_Sasori will never give up his rice, obviously.' _Deidara thought.

'_What makes you so sure? There is no way in hell I am going to streak in the middle of a town' _

'_What the hell Sasori! Stop talking inside my head. It's really starting to creep me out. You know what? I want you to get rid of your stupid rice like powers now!' _

'_Fine, so you don't want to see me streak?'_

'_N-N-No!'_

'_Kay then'_

"Sasori said he would give up the rice" Deidara announced to the group who gave him odd looks.

"How do you know what Sasori want to do?" Kakuzu asked.

"With the power of rice" Sasori said, letting out a small sob as he handed over his stash of rice.

Kakuzu smiled as Sasori gave him his rice. "What are you going to do with all of it?" Sasori asked curiously.

"Oh, probably just sell it over EBay" Kakuzu said and examined the rice. "Hey wait a minute. Cough it up, I know you have more" he demanded.

"Fine" Sasori said, removing excessive amounts from his cloak. Suddenly, Sasori started crying, causing the other members to twitch, scream, dance the Macarena and laugh.

"It's okay Sasori-Danna, you'll be alright, un" Deidara said while petting Sasori.

"No it won't!" Sasori cried in an over dramatic yell.

The other members soon ignored him, passing around another round of beers, and Itachi took a turn at spinning the bottle.

"Kukuku" Sasori laughed evilly when everyone else turned away.

"Why are you laughin- HEY!" Deidara yelped.

"Good thing I kept some of my rice down inside your mini skirt!" Sasori said happily.

"How did you get rice down my skirt?" Deidara asked, very much scarred to hear his response.

"With the power of rice of course" Sasori smirked. Deidara sighed.

The bottle finally landed, and Itachi had an evil gleam in his eye.

"Hidan! Truth or dare?" Itachi asked.

"I don't like that damn look on your face, so I'll pick truth" Hidan said.

"Okay then…so tell us what your whole religion is all about, I've always been wondering" Itachi said.

"My religion? Well what do you want to know?" Hidan asked confused.

"I just think you are leaving out some things. What kind of stuff do you really practice? You have to do something other then sacrifices, and why do you do that anyways?" Itachi asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Uhh…" Hidan hesitated.

"Come on Hidan! You have to tell because you picked truth! Be a good boy like Tobi is!" Tobi yelled.

"Tobi…" Hidan began. "Shut up. We know already that you are a good boy" he said angrily and turned to the others.

"Okay, well you see, my religion worships the great sock lord, and we make sacrifices to please him" Hidan explained.

"What happens if you don't please him?" Kisame asked, being totally serious.

"Then he brings doom to you…by sending the sock hippos after you" Hidan responded.

"…"

"Are you serious!?" Kakuzu screamed and doubled over in laughter.

The rest of the Akatsuki joined Kakuzu in laughing their evil asses off.

"Way to go Hidan, are you sure you just aren't drunk?" Tobi asked.

"NO! I'm not drunk!" Hidan pouted.

"You shouldn't drink so much, that's bad. Be like Tobi and be a good bo-"

"NO TOBI! YOU'RE NOT A GOOD BOY OKAY? YOU'RE A FUCKING STRIPPER!" Hidan screamed.

"Why I'd never" Tobi pouted and walked off.

"Where is he going?" The leader asked.

"HOLY SHIT! SOCK HIPPOS!" Deidara screamed while running away.

"!!!"


	12. Cindy

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU!!  
**

**Thanks for the reviews guys!  
I am determined to reach 100 reviews!! (Nice guy pose) (ping!)**

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**Chapter ELEVEN**

"Are they gone?" Itachi asked, cowering in fear.

"I-I-I think so" Deidara stuttered.

"Deidara-Senpai, I'm scared" Tobi said.

"We'll all scared" Zetsu remarked, shivering.

"Why the sock hippos!!!?" Itachi screamed to the sky, mumbling random sentences under his breath.

"Itachi-San, why are you so afraid of socks?" Tobi asked.

"It's a long story Tobi…-hic- a LONG story" Itachi responded semi-drunk.

"Wait…socks? Next to humans, socks are a rare delicacy from where I'm from!" Zetsu screamed excitedly.

"And where would that be? Mars perhaps?" Sasori asked. "Are you sure you aren't drunk also?"

"You're next!" Zetsu yelled while he ran after the left over sock hippos and ate every last one.

"You're a hero Zetsu!!" Tobi shrieked.

"You're a sick bastard Zetsu" Hidan remarked. "How could you eat all the sock hippos? Jashin will not be happy about this"

"Okay….so what now?" Kakuzu asked casually.

"I say we play a little more truth or dare" the drunken Itachi said.

"Sure, Leader-Sama, -hic- truth or dare?" Kisame asked.

"Hey! –hic- You didn't even spin to see who goes!" the leader protested.

"Well I felt like it, so choose!!" Kisame cried out.

"Fine, truth"

"Okay leader-sama, we all want to know this…" Kisame began with a big toothy grin on his face.

"Just ask me fishy-pants" the leader said boldly.

"What is your real name!?" Kisame asked.

"My name?" The leader fell silent.

"…"

Suddenly there was a loud whack heard as the leader hit the ground.

"Holy shit! The leader blacked out!" Deidara yelled.

"Must have drank a little too much" Sasori responded.

"Okay…ZETSU! Truth or dare?" Kisame asked.

"Dare me" Zetsu said daringly. (derrr)

"Okay, I dare you to make out with that damn unnamed chick member" Kisame challenged.

"Done…but first…" Zetsu responded while chugging two beers. "There is no way I'm doing this sane" he said as he ran away in a dizzy manner.

"I wonder where she is…" Deidara thought out loud.

His question was soon answered when they heard a loud and extremely high feminine scream.

Zetsu came running back quickly about seven minutes later with a dizzy look on his face.

"Zetsu, what happened?" Kakuzu asked curiously.

"What do you mean?" Zetsu asked.

"We heard a woman scream" Deidara confirmed.

"Oh, that was me" Zetsu admitted.

"…"

"Okay, so did you kiss her? We missed it!" Itachi exclaimed.

"-hic- Yes, yes I did" Zetsu said proudly.

"Zetsu, is that a flower petal on your mouth?" Tobi asked.

"What are you talking about?" Zetsu said curiously.

"'ey guys, what did I miss?" The newly awaken leader asked.

"Honestly, we don't know" Sasori said.

"Hey leader-sama! You still didn't get to tell us your name!" Kisame said eagerly.

"My name is…" The leader began suddenly. All the other members leaned in closer as they all anxiously awaited his answer.

"Cindy"

"…"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

"Oh what the FUCK! No wonder I don't respect you" Hidan screamed.

"That is a rather girly name for a male, un" Deidara said.

"I wouldn't be talking girly man" the leader…or Cindy…responded.

"Wait wait wait…Deidara is a man!?!" Itachi screamed.

"YEAH,…yeah" Deidara responded furiously.

"Damn…" Itachi whispered under his breath.


	13. I'm your host, Batman

**AKATSUKI CAMPFIRE NO JUTSU**

**IMPORTANT:**

**Alright guys, so I got a sudden idea to make…A SEQUEL!!  
I realized that this story is totally random, and it's not going anywhere.  
Not like it's a bad thing, but I just don't know when to end it.**

So this is the last chapter of this story! (Until the sequel)  
I guess I would still eventually like 100 reviews on this,  
but if not….whatever.

Thanks for all the reviews!  
I would especially like to thank…  
Ninja-freak 13, SpifftasticIno, Marufu-Chan, and Valbino :D

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**Chapter THIRTEEN**

We find our favorite criminals getting ready to spend their last night in the backyard of their hideout. Naturally, it could have been longer, but things got a little out of control.

So once again, the Akatsuki was found gathered around a campfire.

"So then I was like wow Sasuke, this really isn't a good time, you know? I mean like he was just sitting there begging for me to come with him when I already had Susie over, and like it was totally rude for him just to stand there while me and Susie were having an important discussion, you know? Well Susie was all like well at least your brother isn't as bad as Roger's brother, right? So like Sasuke gets all pissed off and goes all emo on me. I'll never understand him. He's just too weird sometimes. You know what he tells me? He says I am a failure, A FAILURE! I mean, have you looked at him? I'm clearly better looking. Anyways, so I go and tell him SHUT THE HELL UP 'SUKE, go make your own waffles! ……….." Itachi rambled.

By now, almost all the other members had fallen asleep except for Kisame, Tobi, and the Akatsuki Leader.

"Right Kakuzu? Right? Right?" Itachi asked while patting the masked member on the back.

**SMACK**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KAKUZU IS DEAD!!" Itachi screamed after Kakuzu fell to the floor, smacking his whole body onto the dirt.

"Huh?" Hidan asked sleepily. "Oh he's not dead. He is just sleeping, I know it's kind of hard to tell with the masks and everything" Hidan explained.

"Oh good he's just sleepi- HEY why are you all sleeping on me!?" Itachi yelled furiously.

"Because everyone thinks you're boring Itachi-San. Except Tobi isn't sleeping, Tobi is a good boy" Tobi said happily.

"Shut up Tobi! Who asked you? I'm not boring!" Itachi said while pumping a fist in the air. "Someone out there finds me fascinating! Kisame does, right?" he questioned the shark boy.

"He finds you fascinating in bed" Sasori teased.

"Hey what's that!?" Deidara asked while pointing to the sky.

"Well there's a bird over there…" Kisame said.

"No, no, no stupid! THERE!" Deidara pointed again.

"WOW an AIRPLANE!!" Tobi said enthusiastically. The rest of the group stared in awe with choruses of ooohhhhhh's.

"You morons, I was pointing to the batman symbol in the sky!" Deidara said while smacking his head.

"Huh? The batman symbol? What's so great about that?" The Leader asked.

"It's a Batman symbol!! It's not an average day that you see one of those. We might get to see Batman!!" Deidara said excitedly.

"Look at the airplane! It had a blue stripe on it!" Kakuzu said admiringly. "Wow" the rest of the group responded.

"Hey you guys, where is Zetsu?" The leader asked.

"I don't know Cindy, why don't you go find him, he might come if you offer to strip for him" Hidan said.

"I think Zetsu is an alien" Tobi said randomly.

"You're an alien" Itachi said while giggling like a little school girl.

"He has disappeared ever since he "made-out" with the blue chick, yeah" Deidara stated.

"Which probably means he ate her" Sasori said.

"I still wonder if he ever did make-out with her" Cind- er- the leader thought out loud.

"What is it leader-sama? Are you jealous?" Tobi sang.

"No!" the leader proclaimed, while turning red. The rest of the group's eyes narrowed.

"Well she is pretty hot" Hidan noted from the side.

"Don't talk about her like that! I mean…well she is part of this organization. So shut up you weasel!" the leader protested.

"Did somebody call for me?" Itachi asked.

"NO!" was the response of the angry leader.

"Well that blue chick sure is pretty if you asked me" Itachi responded anyways.

"No one asked you!" The leader exclaimed.

"Wait, I've never seen the blue chick before!" Kakuzu complained.

"Heheh, well we are both blue, so she can't be that bad!" Kisame said cheerfully.

"Seems like most of us have affection for the blue chick" Deidara concluded.

"Well she is the only female in the group" Sasori mentioned.

"Looks like there is only one way to settle this!" Zetsu cried out after randomly appearing in the group.

"Yeah!" Tobi said determinedly. "Wait no…what are we talking about again?"

"Zetsu…where is blue?" Hidan asked curiously.

**BLEHHH**

"Awwh nasty!!" Hidan exclaimed as he watched Zetsu hurl the blue haired chick out of his mouth.

The blue haired girl had a blank stare on her face and poked the random eyeball on the ground that obviously came from another human that Zetsu upchucked.

"This means we shall compete for her love!!" Zetsu announced.

"YEAH!" Tobi yelled determinedly once again. "No seriously guys, what are we doing?"

"Alright" the rest of the group agreed, glaring at each other suspiciously.

"And I'm Batman, I will be the host of the show" Batman said after appearing in a suit and tie, holding a microphone in his hand.

"BATMAN! I knew you would come!" Deidara shouted happily.

"Television? We could earn some serious bucks from this" Kakuzu said cheerfully as he started to skip.

"What the hell IS GOING ON HERE?" the blue haired chick screamed, still in the mist of Zetsu's thrown up bits.

"I'll tell you what, a new reality television show starring you!" Batman cried out excitingly.

The blue chick sat for a while thinking about it. "Okay, cool" she simply said.

"IT'S ON!" the group cried in unison as the madness resumed on the group, and would forever remain as they gathered there stuff to bring back inside the Akatsuki lair, where the show would be hosted.

**THE ****END** **TOFU**

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**Well that was the end of this story.  
Please look out for the sequel….  
THE BACHLORETTE: AKATSUKI STYLE  
Thanks for the support, I should start the next one soon:D**

- Megan (kkaorix)


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